Dear Family in Faith,

Here’s my disclaimer: *following Jesus* is hard.  And, it doesn’t always work like we expect!  So, to help us remember our call to “follow Jesus”, in the last few years we’ve distributed Epiphany star-words in worship to celebrate Epiphany, Jesus’ baptism AND help shine light our calling.  […Do you know where your star-words are?] 

In past years, I’ve asked our DCE, Susan, to help curate a list of words, used in other churches, so we could have some tried and vetted words to work from.  But this year, I thought “if the point was offering illumination to “follow Jesus,” maybe starting with the words Jesus uses to tell followers and believers …is the way to go.  So, our star-words this year came straight from Luke’s gospel, chapters five and six—all words and phrases we’ve heard before …but bluntly pointed as only Jesus can.  So, maybe harder.  Last year, I got “rest.”  This year?  My star-words are—“Give to everyone who begs of you.” 

I confess, when I took my star-words from the baptismal font a few weeks ago in worship, I had peeked first.  I knew the content of the top card, before I took it—and it burdened me, even before I picked it up.  I didn’t like like the challenge; furthermore, I didn’t want it!  Like Jesus praying in the garden for any way for the cup to pass him, I really wanted to have reached into the stack and taken another card.  These star-words feel like my own cross …laid on my shoulders and leading me to my own Golgotha!  In my head, I immediately began throwing up my list of other “hard things” I would much-prefer spending my time with …praying for my enemies, being good to those who hate me, giving away possessions—that I also, already, was conveniently avoiding, careful to ensure that they can’t benefit from too much of my attention!  I’m not dissing Jesus’ words, or his desire we follow; it’s just …you know …they’re hard. 

“Give to everyone who begs of you.”  …Already bristling, I resisted even more.  I don’t even like people having to beg.  I wish the that people who have need—(whatever it is)—could just “ask for it,” and have it; as Jesus says, “ask, and you shall receive.”  I believe the works of Jesus change lives; they shouldn’t reinforce a system of neediness that requires ongoing maintenance.  Even if Jesus says, “the poor will always be with you,”  I think we’re smart enough to fix it!  As Desmond Tutu gets credited with saying, “Eventually you have to stop pulling people out of the river to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.”  We can do this—create a world order that solves begging!  …But in the face of someone immediately in need of a warm place and a meal?  …awaiting what may never be, isn’t of Jesus. 

I have a friend who also tries to *follow Jesus*, formed by a summer camp experience where he ended up giving away the camp-store—because he just KNEW Jesus wanted every camper to have ice cream—even as they couldn’t afford it!  …I confess, I believe fervently that Jesus wants everyone to have what they need and to be relieved of their sufferings.  Yet, most of the time, despite my believing, I’m disciplined and often resigned to just saying “No.”  It’s difficult and messy wading through the testimonies people seem trained to offer, as if burdening those whom they ask, with a story, is what releases our grasp on the money being sought rather than any help we might give.  I nearly always practice the direct opposite of the star-word guide I’ve received as a burden.  You can call me, “Scrooge.”  I feel I’m saying, “Bah Humbug, Jesus!”  But such “no’s” save entanglements.  Plus, I know FPC assists with many needs. 

…but last Sunday, a man came in before worship; he claimed being a child at FPC in his youth; he’d returned to El Dorado to bury a last living relative, and his truck’s rear axle blew up, destroying the engine (…of course, right outside the cemetery on Champagnolle Road, just after the burial, and when he walked to get help, someone came along and took his suitcases he’d left unprotected in the pickup bed).  He claimed living in Bardstown, KY and his church, where he claimed he was on the Board of Deacons, had a fund to help travelers.  He didn’t want to ask, but he’d already spent two nights in the cold and couldn’t bear another.  …some money was to arrive “general delivery” for him on Monday …he planned to rent a truck at Enterprise to drive home (even if they had to bring one from Magnolia if one wasn’t available here), but not before repaying my generosity.  I never expected to see him again …but shortly after driving him to a motel, paying for his room, and making sure he had food, he reportedly and inexplicably fled.  I confess, I’m only a little embarrassed.  I do, almost always, say, “No;” but the truth is, I also can’t account for what happened to the underwear and nightgown I gave to a woman who’d called, saying she’d lost all her clothes and was having hip surgery and needed them (…who asks for underwear they don’t really need?).  …*Following Jesus* isn’t for the faint of heart. 

…My star-words hang right near my desk still, these days, reminding me of Jesus’ invitation.  I don’t think I’m effective doing them; but I admit, my star-words no longer feel like a cross.  I’ll try getting them right.  Somedays, I’m sure, its got to work out.  Somedays, the star-words might even help; though most often, they’ll still be a challenge.  Thank you, Jesus.  I’m trying to follow.